I’m more than half a year graduated from my 5 year college, and it’s only finally starting to really hit me that I’m done. This sounds silly even to me. I mean, yes I’m aware I haven’t been in class in months, but that doesn’t mean much when you’re used to the regular interruption of 6 month co-ops and four month vacations. Not that I want to still be in school. My final semester was a nightmare, one of those crucible like tests of endurance, adaptability, intelligence, and sanity that books are made of, only without dragons. By the time the final crit was finished, I was a wreck in body and soul. Graduation came too soon to be really appreciated, and a piece of paper was more subtle a symbol of accomplishment than I could comprehend.
8 months later, I have been going through another sort of test, but this one is more about development than destruction. That is, I have been reassembling my life. I managed a week of grad school before I accepted my anxiety was going to make it nearly impossible. It was an incredibly hard decision to make, and it felt like the biggest failure to me. But now, I have two part time jobs, one that is architecture and one more related to product design and marketing, which are both using the skills I developed in architecture. I am exercising, reading, making jewelry, seeing my friends and family. My emotional state is slowly normalizing, and my brain is working on a number of varied and interesting tasks. My shoulders are no longer rocks. Life is good. Not perfect, but overall happy.
I allowed architecture school to warp my expectations of what life should be. The last few months have served to introduce a new perspective, where my life isn’t ruled by grades and homework. I still can’t believe I survived either fire, but hopefully I’ll be able to accept and learn from them. I certainly don’t intend to take a full 180. Despite everything I loved the things I learned in architecture school, and I believe I will love it all again eventually. Just not quite yet. Maybe when the challenges work is setting me aren’t interesting enough.
I started this blog as a way to keep my perspective, to have an outlet for writing and geeky excitement of good design in areas besides architecture. Although I lost it for a year, I’m happy I’m beginning to reclaim it. Meanwhile, I’m going to try and rein in my impatience and see what grows from the ashes.
Hope everyone who is reading keeps enjoying. Even if it is mostly me!